Confession time: I’m a scanner and an opener.
I love to learn new things. I love considering the possibility of new things. And I love to start things, all the time. What I’m terrible at is sticking to the things I’ve started.
My room is scattered with half-filled journals and sketchbooks, novels with calendar pages turned bookmarks from 2012 stuck around page 230, and open cosmetics (I only ever wear one eye shadow, why do I have ten different ones). My web browser has about 20 open tabs at the moment. I speak two languages fluently and know the basics of four others. I now move house every six months, and I like it – who doesn’t love decorating a new room? I have some sort of talent or potential for about seven different activities, and I switch between them so frequently I’ll never be properly “good” at any of them. I have started and deleted more blogs than I want to count.
I’ve now come to the point where my inability to make up my mind is getting out of hand. Last week I had my first ever performance review at work. Everything had been going swimmingly (I’m lying) until the dreaded question came: Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?
After much “er” and “uhm” and “pffff” and, yes, “I have no idea” – how am I supposed to know what I’ll want in five years!? – my manager now thinks I’m an uncaring sea slug devoid of any aspiration.
This will not do. There’s got to be something I properly want.
And maybe, if I’m documenting the things I do and the things I like, I find out what is is. So here’s to another new beginning.
PS: I watched singing lessons on Youtube while writing this post.